


Remus and the Others

by little_werewolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 18:11:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5215655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_werewolf/pseuds/little_werewolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus has never been alone. They have always been there. So when Sirius comes into their lives, they all have to adapt to the changes that he brings along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remus and the Others

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally written for the RS Games 2015. You can find the original link for the fic [here](http://rs-games.dreamwidth.org/138948.html).
> 
> Note about alters: Text between “//” means that the alters are talking to another in Remus’s mind. I have formatted each of the alters differently. Bold is for Moony. Bold-italic is for Romulus. And Bold but without any capital letters is Teddy.

Remus couldn’t remember what his life had been like before he had come to stay here. He knew that he had been rather young when he had arrived. Now he was almost 18, and it felt like he had been here for most of his life. When he tried to remember what had happened before here, he could just barely make out the images of his father and mother. Then there was an instant pain, like a knife stabbing into his brain. So he didn’t try to do that so often. 

Then there were more memory gaps that he hadn’t dared to even try to find the answers for. He knew that at the beginning things hadn’t exactly been easy. Letting people close to help him, touch him, or even just getting used to some kind of routine had been a horror.

Back then, Remus hadn’t been able to understand at first what was happening. He just kept having memory lapses, confused when he came around again to find bruises or scratches that he hadn’t seen before. Confused when he had to find out that he had missed hours or days even, with no recollection of what had happened.

It had taken a while for his therapist back then to explain to him what was wrong. Then bit by bit he was starting to get to know the others, and was starting to learn to communicate with them.

He had grown to accept that he was going to spend the rest of his life in this place. He didn’t know what else he could do outside, so he figured there wasn’t really anything he could be missing. Remus had overheard someone once saying that he was insane, that he should be medicated 24/7 so that he wouldn’t be a harm to himself or others. It had taken Remus over a week before he managed to get a grip on himself and the others again. 

Then the reluctant acceptance had snuck in. He and the others had started to accept an assistant at their side, someone who would keep him company a few hours a day. Romulus said that they would be there so that they wouldn’t get bored or lonely. Remus thought it was because of another reason, but didn’t try to discuss it any further. 

So eventually, he had gotten used to a routine.

Mornings he would be woken up some time between 7am and 8am. He would head for the bathroom, have a shower and get himself dressed for the day. On bad days someone would be there to accompany him, making sure that no one would do anything stupid. When Remus had become old enough to start growing a beard, someone came along every 3 days, giving him a shave. No one trusted him here with a razor, and he could understand that.

Then there was breakfast, where everyone got together. Along with lunch and dinner it was the only time of the day where Remus got to see the other patients. The rest of the time Remus spend in his room. Either by himself, or with his personal assistant to keep him company. There had been many during his time, but the last one had stayed for quite a while. 

Tonks had been nice, and she hadn’t treated him like everyone else had. Like a freak. Remus had started to trust her, and even the others did so as well. 

Then suddenly everything started to change again, and that was the day when he was introduced to Sirius Black. 

// ** _"We do not talk to strangers."_**  
_"He's not a stranger. He's a doctor."_  
**_"All the same."_**  
_"He looks nice."_  
**_"That only means that he won't last long."_** //

Remus hummed in agreement and then looked up again. The man was still sitting on the chair opposite his bed, a calm smile on his face. He looked young and Remus wondered for a moment, if he was beginning to be the kind of test patient for the new employees. He didn't really mind, since he got to see and meet new people.

Moony minded however, always ready in the back of his mind. Not only to protect, but also to lash out towards everyone and himself if necessary. 

Remus respected Moony, feared him during his worst times, knowing too well what Moony was capable off. 

Sometimes he would remember. It would be like watching a movie and not being able to push the stop button. And then there were times where everything would just go black. Those times Remus feared the most. After all he was the one who would have to deal with the aftermath, and those were never good.

Then there was Romulus, who was not as violent but just as protective.

Teddy and Romulus were the only ones who really talked. Moony did too, but most of the time there was no civil conversation that one could have with him. Remus himself didn’t talk, he couldn’t find the energy too. Well that wasn’t really true. It was more like he didn’t dare. Moony constantly told him not to talk to strangers, and then it was mostly Romulus who did it for him. 

Today, however, was a quiet day so far. It was actually good when someone new was coming to visit them. Of course Moony was still there in the background, making sure that Remus didn’t do anything stupid. Well, stupid in his point of view. 

“My name is Sirius,” the black haired man said after a while, making Remus lift his head and look back at him. “I am going to be your doctor, personal assistant is the better word I guess, from now on.”

// ** _“I bet they had to let the old one go.”_**  
**“They are letting many people go lately. This isn’t good. There are too many changes lately.”**  
**_“You worry too much.”_**  
**“I worry for a reason.”** //

“Remus?” Sirius’s voice interrupted the voices in Remus’s head for a moment, and he looked up from where he had been staring down at the mattress. 

Remus had to admit that it was always interesting to deal with people who didn’t know them yet. He didn’t know if he should feel sorry for Sirius or not. At the same time it made Remus feel slightly unsettled, uncomfortable to the point that it brought Moony out. That usually resulted in him getting hurt. 

Moony didn’t like new people. 

“I know this is probably not...”

“What do you know?” Moony suddenly snarled. Remus’s body was instantly upright, having lost its frail and quiet look. 

“Remus…”

“My name is not Remus.”

“Oh…”

Moony smirked. Remus could just watch from the background and he hoped Moony wasn’t going to shut him out. He hated being shut out, not knowing what was going on. Especially since it meant, that when he woke up again, when the fog would lift itself from his brain, some part of his body would be hurt. 

“You think you can just come in here and know everything,” Moony drawled and then grinned at Sirius. He had an almost boyish expression, eager, excited and up to no good at the same time. 

“This is probably your first job right? Such a beauty boy probably doesn’t get paid much yet,” Moony continued, and Remus knew he was trying to get a rise out of Sirius. The man however just continued to sit calmly opposite him, seemingly not reacting to any of the words. It felt like, after the brief moment of shock, he had accepted the sudden change of personality.

Moony, wasn’t too delighted about that either. 

“Where do you come from?” he eventually asked, his expression growing into a more grim one. 

“I come from London,” Sirius replied calmly, leaning back in his chair. 

“So a posh boy too,” Moony countered, rolling his eyes.

// ** _“Be nice.”_**  
**“I am being nice.”**  
**_“Then behave.”_**  
**“That is no fun.”** //

Moony flashed his teeth, letting his fingers glide slowly along the scars on Remus’s arm. 

“Maybe, just a little,” Sirius replied with a small shrug. Remus could tell how intently Sirius seemed to be watching him at the moment, as he seemed to be registering every move.

“The nurses told me you didn’t have your breakfast this morning,” he said after a while, leaning forward, his arms resting on his legs, making him hunch a little. 

“That’s because it was disgusting,” Moony replied, his teeth flashing again. While Remus knew, and his previous doctors as well, this was a sign to better slowly back away, Sirius didn’t. Remus felt uncomfortable, and he attempted to hide away in a far corner of his brain.

// _“Can’t you stop him?”_  
**“Romulus can’t always be there for you.”**  
_“You can’t… I need my hands.”_  
**“For what do you need your hands?”**  
_“He doesn’t know…”_  
**“Well he’s going to learn the hard way then, hasn’t he?”** //

If Remus had had any control left, he had lost it right at that moment. He could only watch as Moony seemed to be getting ready to do something, and Remus could feel himself recoil further and further into the back of his mind. 

“I don’t like porridge either, but it’s good for you,” Sirius said, distracting Remus for a moment from what was going on in his mind. Moony let out a small snort, and it was only seconds later that he moved. 

He had lifted his hand, biting into the palm with a self satisfied smirk on his face. Remus couldn’t feel the pain, but he knew the damage that was being made. He didn’t know if that was better in any kind of way. 

After that everything was kind of a blur, and when Remus awoke again he was lying in his bed, hand bandaged and his brain feeling foggy from some relaxant. 

“Hey,” Remus looked over to his side, a little surprised to find Sirius still sitting there next to him. 

“Do you want something to drink?” he asked after a moment, and Remus hesitated before he nodded slowly. He tensed when he felt a hand behind his head, lifting it gently and putting a glass against his lips.

“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you, but you are in no state right now to drink by yourself,” Sirius said and Remus couldn’t help but notice that other man’s voice was soft and gentle. He let himself slowly relax, tentatively taking some sips from the glass and then turning his head away once he had enough. 

Usually they had always left him to his own devices when things like this had happened. He would usually find himself tied down on the bed, until someone thought that he wasn’t going to cause himself any kind of harm anymore. This Sirius was different, and he wondered if they had gotten a more personal caring system at this place. He remembered what Romulus had said earlier on about how something seemed to be up, but he was too tired then to think about that right now.

“The next time I’ll be more careful,” Sirius said softly and Remus frowned. He wanted to know more about what Sirius was talking about, but he was exhausted, and he couldn’t stop himself from falling asleep again.

***

Teddy liked colouring books and crayons in all the different colours. Romulus always made sure that he had a fresh colouring book at hand when the old one was full. He had asked him once if he didn’t want to draw something instead of just colouring pictures, but Teddy had stubbornly persisted. 

He had woken up this morning, surprised to find himself on his own. So he had taken the opportunity, playing around with his breakfast and then sitting down at his desk in his room. He had pulled out the large book he had gotten the other day, the first few pages already covered in vibrant colours. Today's picture was a turtle, with large circles on its back and its tongue sticking out of the corner of its mouth. 

He bit his lower lip, looking over the colours before reaching out for a bright purple one. Teddy was deep in concentration as the door to his room opened, and a black haired man entered. He looked up, fingers tight around his crayon and looking at the man with a suspicious expression. 

“Who are you?” Teddy asked with his usual curiosity, still looking the man with an inquisitive expression. 

“Oh… I am Sirius, I am your personal assistant,” the man replied and Teddy frowned. He tried to remember what this Sirius meant and then frowned even harder as he guessed that someone else should have been here with him.

“But Tonks said we was going to draw with me!” Teddy eventually said, his voice coming out with a small burst, tears forming in his eyes. 

“I am sorry buddy,” the Sirius guy replied, and Teddy flinched as he came closer and moved to crouch down next to him. It made him smaller than Teddy right now. Not that Teddy felt tall in any kind of way to begin with. This body was strange to him, and he sometimes stumbled because everything felt too big. Nevertheless, everyone else was usually taller than him. When he looked up at Rom, Moony and Remus they were always taller than him. 

Looking back at his picture, Teddy bit his lower lip and tried his best not to let the tears fall. She had promised, and he hated it when people wouldn’t keep their promises. So many had done it before, and Moony always said that he shouldn’t trust people anymore because of this. But he liked being liked, and being around other people. There was so much out there that he wanted to see and explore, and that meant trusting people. Now, he wasn’t too sure anymore. 

“Look…” the Sirius guy started, and Teddy took in a deep breath to stop crying.

“I don’t know how good I am, but I can draw with you if you want?” he continued and Teddy turned his head to look at the man with a tentative smile.

“Really?” he asked quietly, biting his lower lip as he tried not to look too hopeful. 

“Yes really,” Sirius replied and he had a broad grin on his face, which Teddy instantly felt affected by.

“Let me just get a chair,” he continued and then moved to get up. Teddy watched as he left the room, and then returned after a few minutes with a chair under his arm. 

“You have to sit right here,” Teddy said, attempting to sound as firm as possible. Sirius nodded, still grinning and sat as Teddy had instructed. He then reached out for a yellow colouring pencil and held it out to Sirius.

“Here… that goes yellow,” Teddy said, motioning to the fillings between the large circles of the turtle's shell. 

“Got it,” Sirius replied, taking the pencil and immediately getting to it. 

Neither of them said anything for a while, just concentrating on colouring the picture. Every now and then Teddy would look up to make sure that Sirius was doing everything correctly, grinning shyly when the man caught him looking. This was different than to colouring with Tonks, but for the moment if was fun as well. 

“How old are you Teddy?” Sirius asked after he had finished colouring the yellow circles. Teddy frowned at the question, biting into his purple pencil for a moment before continuing on the next circle.

“I am 5,” he replied after a while, putting the pencil aside and reaching out for the box to see what colour he should use for the legs. 

“5? Such a big man already,” Sirius said with a grin, and Teddy watched him out of the corner of his eyes as he sat back in his chair. 

“Rom, Moony and Remus are bigger,” Teddy said with a small shake of his head, looking a little amused. 

“Of course they are, how silly of me,” Sirius quickly apologized, still grinning. Teddy reached out for a red pencil, and then started to colour the legs of the turtle, only stopping when he noticed that Sirius was still watching him. He slowly put the pencil down again, turning his head to look at him. 

“Why do you do that?” Teddy asked, frowning and pulling his legs up against his chest.

“Do what?” Sirius asked.

“Look at me?” Teddy added, resisting the urge to put his thumb into his mouth. 

“Am I not allowed to look at you?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow and looking just really curious. Teddy giggled and shrugged. 

“You know, when I came in today, I didn’t think I was going to meet this bright boy,” he continued, and Teddy couldn’t help but grin broadly, squirming a little in his chair. 

“I am very bright!” Teddy instantly replied with a broad smile.

“That you are,” Sirius repeated, a warm smile still on his lips, and Teddy decided that anyone who would smile like this for a long period of time could only be a good person. 

“Are you going to visit again?” Teddy then asked hesitantly, and he frowned a little as he could hear his brain growing louder again. It made him cling to the body a little more. He didn’t want to leave yet, he still wanted to colour and talk to Sirius. 

“Of course. I’ll be here every day, ready to colour with you whenever you want to,” Sirius replied, and his voice was sincere and Teddy wondered for a moment if he would be allowed to ask for a hug. Tonks had hugged him every now and then, and Teddy had only ever dared to ask her for such affection. No one else had ever seemed nice enough, and the doctors were always so loud and harsh. 

“Goody,” Teddy replied with a tentative smile and then looked over to his other side as he saw Remus standing there next to him.

“You woke up,” Teddy murmured, not even considering that it might be looking weird for Sirius. However for Teddy there was standing a real person next to him, and while he knew what it meant, he still took comfort from it.

// _”It’s time to say goodbye to Sirius for today.”_ //

“But what if he doesn’t come back?” Teddy asked nervously, his eyes wide.

// _“I am sure he will.”_ //

Remus was staring back with a tired but reassuring expression, and Teddy nodded with a small hesitant smile. He looked back at Sirius, grinning broadly. 

“Bye Sirius!” he said with a grin, and then closed his eyes.

The change was instantaneous, and clearly visible. Remus’s whole body posture changed, from the active young child to the slumped body that had seen too much in its life. He slowly opened his eyes again, blinking a few times before his eyes met Sirius’s.

Sirius had been there ever since the incident with Moony. Keeping his distance, and not asking questions that might rile up Moony. Instead he would tell him things about the outside world, news or small stories about his friends. Remus never knew if they were true or not, but he had to admit that he was starting to cherish the lucid moments he had with him. 

“Hey Remus,” Sirius said with a soft smile, and Remus looked back at him with a hesitant smile of his own. He looked down at the picture Teddy had been colouring, chuckling softly as he saw the different colours the turtle had been coloured in.

“He doesn’t have a sense of colour schemes, does he?” Sirius asked with a small chuckle, and Remus shook his head. He carefully reached out to put all the crayons back in their case, closing it and then putting it back into the shelf of desk, along with the book. He then turned in his chair, pulling one of his legs up against his chest, so that he was facing Sirius. 

“One day I am going to find out how it works in that head of yours,” Sirius grinned, and Remus rolled his eyes at the other man. He was still hoping that this wasn’t going to be the only reason why Sirius kept coming. And that once he knew how broken and disturbed Remus actually was, that he would disappear again, just like everyone else had. 

“I know.. I know, not going to talk about that, even if I wish you would. I am sure you have a nice voice,” he continued and Remus’s expression closed off for a moment. There were reasons why he didn’t talk, and he doubted Sirius would ever understand them. 

“Wrong subject, sorry, not going in that direction again. So let’s see what else I can tell you... ahh yes, did I tell you already that I am supposed to be a godfather soon?” he asked, and Remus shook his head with a small smile, letting everything tune out as he just listened to Sirius. 

***

Romulus had noticed that something had been happening the last few weeks. The amount of patients in the home he was in was getting less and less with every week, and people were talking in hushed tones to one and another. Of course no one told them anything, he guessed that was because no one would think they would understand. The problem wasn’t that they wouldn’t understand, it was more of how they would react in a new environment. 

He could still remember how they had arrived here. Remus’s parents hadn’t been able to deal with them any longer. Couldn’t deal with the anger that Moony held inside and lashed out when it was possible. Of course never considering that they might have been the cause for it all. However Remus loved his parents, so Romulus had tried to keep him safe from it all, keeping him in the illusion that they hadn’t left him in the care of social services and that they would be coming back one day. How much of that Remus still believed after all of these years, Romulus didn’t know, he never pushed, he just hoped it still gave enough comfort. 

This institution was nice. It was a small place, outside of a village, without much traffic or people that could come around and disturb them. On the rare occasion that they were allowed outside, one could hear the birds instead of the sounds of cars on the street. It gave the area a nice calming feeling that even Moony wasn’t able to ignore. 

Romulus was worried that if they would have to move away from here, everything he had managed to construct the last years would be broken down again. It had already been shaken up when that Sirius guy had appeared, and Moony had thought that self damage was the best way to show his displeasure. He hadn’t met the other man yet, since Remus had seemed to try his hardest to keep him for himself, and he was planning to change that. 

That morning it had been shaving time, and Romulus had grudgingly let Remus take his place for the duration of it. Once they were done, he immediately took the control back again, making sure that the man would only come back when he let him. Then he had waited, until the usual time Sirius came around. 

He had to agree, that Sirius was indeed a handsome looking man. Romulus was sure that the man would be able to charm his way through a lot of things in life, just with those eyes and that smile. Once the man had come into the room, Romulus moved to get up, holding his hand out to him.

“I don’t believe we have met yet,” Romulus said calmly. He could hear the faint chuckle of Moony in the background that he quickly squashed away. So what if he had cruel intentions sometimes, he never meant to harm anyone and he always made sure that everything was kept within its limits. 

Sirius just stared at him for a moment, and Romulus wondered if the man hadn’t seen enough already the past few weeks for him to still be surprised. Eventually they managed to shake hands, the grasp firm. Sirius’s fingers felt warm and soft, and he could understand now why Teddy wanted a hug from him and Remus had felt the urge to let his fingers brush over the skin. Romulus felt kind of satisfied that he had been the first one to touch the man.

“I guess we haven’t,” Sirius eventually replied, still looking a little confused, but seemingly ready for the next piece of information. He was a clever man, Romulus was going to give him that. 

“I am Romulus,” Romulus started, moving to sit back down on the edge of the bed. He saw the sudden realisation in Sirius’s expression and then watched as he reached out for the nearby chair, sitting down on it to face him. 

“How old are you?” Sirius then blurted out, and it was Romulus’s turn to frown for a moment, before he eventually let out a small amused chuckle. 

“Are you asking me how old Remus is, or how old I am?” Romulus countered, his voice calm and composed, just like his expression. 

“Ehhr… well I am wondering how old you are,” Sirius started, narrowing his eyes a little but Romulus could see that there was no malice in the expression. “I know how old Remus is, from his file. I know Teddy is 5 from what he told me, and the way he mismatches colours like a pro, and there is the other guy, who must be somewhere around in his teens…”

“Moony,” Romulus interrupted, actually feeling a little curious about Sirius’s observations. 

“Moony… alright, I’ll have to remember that. But he is a rather self destructive little… bugger isn’t he?” Sirius asked.

“He has issues,” Romulus agreed with a small shrug and then motioned for Sirius to continue. 

“Issues indeed. And then there is you, and you seem to be a little older, more… how do I put this…” Sirius continued, looking thoughtful for a moment, and Romulus couldn’t stop himself from grinning. 

“More normal?” he asked, wondering if he had hit the mark.

“No… not more normal. You are all normal in your own kind of way,” Sirius instantly replied with a small shake of his head. “More mature I guess is the right word.”

Romulus just stared at Sirius for a moment. No one had ever called any of them normal. This managed to surprise him, and usually he was the one out of the four who was more unphased about things. However this was something new to him too. 

“Well.. yes I guess. I am 30 years old if you want to know it exactly,” Romulus eventually managed to reply. 

“Well it is nice to meet the last of the group,” Sirius said with a broad smile, leaning back in the chair, looking comfortable with himself and his surroundings. 

Romulus nodded, smiling back at Sirius and then kept quiet for a moment. Eventually his expression grew a little bit more serious, putting his arms in his lap and folding his fingers together, a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“You must understand one thing Sirius, I will protect this body in any way I need to. If I decide that you are going to be a threat, I’ll make sure you won’t come close to it ever again,” Romulus said with a serious and overly calm voice. His eyes leaving no doubt about that he would do everything to stand by his words. 

Romulus knew that he could intimidate people if he needed to. There had been nurses who had backed away slowly only to come back with more people to hold him down. He remembered making someone cry once, which had been somehow very satisfying. He wasn’t evil, not really. He was protective, and he was the only one of the four of them who could voice it properly. 

“Message received. Would you rather I called you Mr. Lupin then?” Sirius replied, and there was some cockyness in his voice. 

“No, Romulus is just fine,” he answered with a small snort. 

For a while neither of them said anything, just sitting there watching and feeling each other out. Romulus guessed it wasn’t easy dealing with all of this, and Sirius hadn’t been here for such a long time after all. 

“Can I ask you a question Sirius?” Romulus asked after a while, feeling like he could maybe trust the man. 

“Of course, anything you want,” Sirius replied sincerely with a small nod. 

“We’ve been here a couple of years now. It’s a nice place, and we’ve gotten used to the personnel, but I can tell that there has been something going on lately. And I rather be prepared for it, before they decide that we are finally allowed to know about it,” Romulus said seriously, hiding the concern, because he knew how change would not be a good thing for any of them. 

Sirius seemed to hesitate for a moment, and Romulus tried to catch his gaze as the other man wasn’t looking at him anymore. Romulus frowned even further, right now not liking where this was going. 

“Sirius… if you are trying to protect Remus, this is not the moment…”

“The state is closing down the institution. The state has stopped its funding because they say they can’t afford small places like this when they have the large institutions lacking the proper fundings,” Sirius blurted out, looking back up at Romulus with a serious expression. 

Romulus swallowed, and it took all his control to leave everyone else locked away for a moment. 

“So… what are you doing here then?” Romulus asked, because this was an easier question to focus on for now. 

“A favour to a friend. They needed someone to help out who wouldn’t ask to be paid, and I needed something to do,” Sirius replied sincerely.

“Are you actually a trained professional?” Romulus asked, narrowing his eyes just a little.

“Yes I am. I got my degree at London Medical School and then worked at the London Psychiatry Centre,” Sirius replied and Romulus relaxed a little again. 

This time it was his turn to look away, because all of this was a lot of information to take in. His mind was running in circles, and images of Remus sitting curled up in a corner constantly popped up in his head. Of Moony screaming, until his voice went hoarse and broken, fighting against anyone who tried to help him. And Teddy… Teddy who cried at night from nightmares, and sometimes forgot that he had to use the toilet if he needed to go. 

“If the state is stopping its funding, then we won’t have anywhere to go,” Romulus murmured after a while.

“But.. what about Remus’s parents?” Sirius asked, and Romulus could see the alarmed expression on Sirius’s face. 

“They are not coming back and even if they would, I would never let them touch Remus ever again,” Romulus replied seriously.

Neither of them said anything for a while, letting everything sink in for a while. There were many directions where all of this could go and none of them looked welcoming. He was starting to grow tired, and he could feel Remus starting to wake at the back of his mind. Romulus was more than ready to let him back out and be simply ignorant about all of this. 

“Do you trust me?” Sirius asked suddenly, and Romulus looked back up with a frown.

“Well…”

“Are you willing to trust me?” Sirius changed his question, and Romulus nodded slowly.

“Alright, I’ll be back soon,” he continued and then got up, stepping out of the room.

Remus had tried to ask Romulus what he had been talking to Sirius about, but had only hit against a wall that wouldn’t budge. Ever since the talk, or whatever it had been, Sirius hadn’t come back. They were spending their days alone now, and Remus didn’t really know what to make out of it. So he had grown to slowly accept it. People always left him alone after a while. It was how life worked. His parents had left him alone, he didn’t even remember what they looked like. He should have gotten used to it by now, but still it hurt, even if just a little bit. 

Additionally to all of that, things were starting to change around him. It scared Remus not knowing what was going on, and he tried to make Romulus ask of what was going on. But that only seemed to be another thing the man wasn’t willing to do. He didn’t dare to make Teddy or Moony ask for him. Teddy didn’t understand, and Moony would take it as an opportunity to mess things up in some kind of way. 

Then one day he was being told to pack his belongings. Remus had understood the concept, he wasn’t stupid like some people might think, but he just couldn’t understand why.

// ** _“Just pack your things Remus, there is nothing that you can do.”_** //

Remus glared at Romulus’s form appearing next to him. He crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. This was their home. Even if he didn’t always have good memories, he felt safe here, and he knew that they would protect him from the others if necessary. 

// _“But... packing means that we have to leave.”_ //

A small whimper escaped Remus’s lips, and he shook his head again. He knew that he was acting like a petulant child right now, especially since he stomped his foot down on the floor. He couldn’t help it however. 

// ** _“Remus. Be the reasonable person I know you are and pack your things.”_** //

Remus held up his hand, showing Romulus very visibly the middle finger and then moving to sit down on the edge of the bed. 

It didn’t really help.

It hadn’t taken long until someone had arrived and started packing for Remus. He had zoned out the moment the person was trying talk to him, just concentrating on all the good things he had managed to do here in the last couple of years. They had helped him establish a normal, well in his definition, way of being able to communicate with everyone in their head. He knew that if he was pulled out of this environment, all that hard work could be destroyed. 

He only really snapped out of it again as he felt a man’s hand on his arm. Reluctantly, Remus moved to get up, looking around the room for a moment. Letting out a heavy sigh he let himself be led out of the room, petrified of the thought of what would happen to him now. 

Remus could feel the others in his mind starting to wake up now, and he just wanted to curl up somewhere in a corner and hide away from it all. All the doors of his house were opening, and soon enough he could see Romulus, Moony and Teddy following him down along the halls of the house. 

// **“where are we going?”**  
**“I don’t think he knows.”**  
**_“We are just moving. Everyone does so every few years. I am sure the new place is just as nice.”_**  
**“but sirius wanted to draw with me.”** //

Remus wished he could will everyone to shut up and he couldn’t prevent himself from stopping in his tracks. He squeezed his eyes tightly close, a small frustrated sound coming from the back of his throat. How could he explain to anyone how hard it was to have several people constantly with him, more than a few times taking control of your mind. He couldn’t even say anything because if he would open his mouth, no sound came out. He couldn’t form words, no matter how hard he tried. 

// _“Shut up, shut up. Shut up. Shut up.”_ //

“Remus. Fuck I thought I was too late.”

// _”I said shut up! Leave me alone! Shut up!”_ //

“Remus... Remus you have to open your eyes,” there was a voice talking to him, and Remus attempted to squeeze his eyes more tightly close, because he couldn’t have another person added to the list. He simply tried to block everything out and he let out a strangled sound as there was another hand on his arm, giving it a small squeeze. The touch was warm and gentle, felt more real than when it did if Romulus tried to hug him. 

“Remus please,” he voice pleaded again. “It’s going to be okay. But I need your help for it to work,” it continued, and Remus took in a deep calming breath in the hopes that he could find some kind of control again. 

Slowly he opened his eyes again, blinking as he watched that several people were around him, making him feel cornered and fidgety.

“No here…” and Remus this time recognized the voice, and his eyes snapped to look ahead of himself, finding Sirius crouching in front of him. He smiled weakly, only realising now how much his body shook and how tense he felt. 

“It’s okay, no one is going to take you anywhere you don’t want to,” Sirius said, his voice soft and soothing. 

Slowly he could feel himself starting to calm down again, even if his fingers were still fidgeting and he moved his hands so that one hand was holding on to his other wrist. He looked at Sirius with a nervous expression, not sure of what was happening right now, but feeling like as long as Sirius was here then at least nothing too bad could be happening. 

“That’s good… this is good,” Sirius said after a moment, slowly moving to get back up into an upright position. 

Remus looked around himself for a moment. The other people were slowly walking away from him, seemingly he wasn’t so much of a danger anymore to anyone, or to himself for the matter. He took in a deep breath and then looked back at Sirius, waiting for him to say anything right now. There was a suitcase with his belongings standing next to him, guessing that the nurse from earlier on must have left it there with him when Sirius had come. 

“Okay, so Remus I need you to listen closely to me now and I need to have an answer from you,” Sirius eventually said, his voice serious and his hands reaching out to rest on both of Remus’s shoulders. Remus nodded slowly, still not entirely sure of what was happening but guessing that it was serious. He felt to the back of his mind, finding that only that Romulus was still there, arms crossed and watching protectively over what was happening. It made Remus feel just a little bit better. 

“Good. This place is closing its doors, and they want to bring you to a bigger institution,” Sirius said calmly and Remus nodded in understanding as he realised that Sirius was waiting for some kind of response that he understood what he was talking about. “It’s not going to be like here, and I wouldn’t be able to see you anymore…” Remus’s eyes widened for a moment, and he could feel a weird emotion tug at his chest. Romulus took a step closer in his mind, ready to intervene, but Remus managed to hold him back for now. 

“I have a solution for that, but you’ll have to agree,” Sirius continued and he looked a little nervous before he continued. “I have arranged that you are allowed to live with me. You will have your own room and there is a huge garden in the back…” and Remus smiled shyly as he realised how Sirius was starting to ramble. 

Remus let himself think it over for a moment. He realised that he hadn’t known Sirius for that long, but he also knew that going to a new institution where he knew absolutely no one, wouldn’t be good either. Biting his lower lip, he looked back at Romulus for a moment and nodded. It only took a moment before his demeanour changed, standing more upright and letting go of his wrist. 

“We’ll come with you,” Romulus said calmly with a small nod. “On one condition,” Romulus continued, his voice serious. “If all of this fails, we follow the original plan and go to the new institution.”

“Alright, deal,” Sirius replied after a moment of hesitation, and Romulus hoped that it would never have to come to that.

***

“Do you know what you are doing?” Romulus asked once he had gotten into a car with Sirius, looking at him with a questionable expression.

“Do you want a serious answer?” Sirius asked sincerely, starting the car. Romulus just nodded, putting his seatbelt around his body and looking once back at the house he had lived in the last few years. 

“No, not really. Do you?” Sirius eventually replied, and Romulus turned to look back at him with a small shake of his head.

Well at least both of them were truthful about the whole situation.

The drive to Sirius’s house was quiet, and Romulus at the moment didn’t feel any troubles holding on to some control. Everyone else was too nervous or scared to do anything right now, and even Moony seemed to understand that now was not the time to act up. For which he was definitely very grateful for. 

It wasn’t a huge house, but it was going to be enough for the two of them.

After a small tour around the ground floor (kitchen, living room, the small study and the garden at the back of the house), Sirius had shown him upstairs to the room he would be sleeping in. The room looked out back towards the garden, there was a large bed, a desk and a wardrobe to put his clothes in. Nothing more than they had had at the institution, but now with the knowledge that he would be able to leave the room without permission. 

“There are not really any rules to follow here,” Sirius said after a moment, leaning against the doorframe with his hands pushed into his trouser pockets. 

“We can set times for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I know how important a routine is. You can help me cook too if you want,” he continued, and Romulus perked up a little. There hadn’t really been a lot of intellectual stimulation over the last few years, and while there had been someone to take the time to teach them at least to read, everything else had been deemed unimportant. 

“No leaving the house without telling me first, that counts for the garden as well,” he however added seriously and Romulus nodded in understanding. He was sure that Sirius was having to follow a lot of regulations for keeping him here, and he was grateful for the attempt to keep them out of a large institution where they would just be forgotten or lost. 

Their conversation was interrupted by a loud meow echoing through the room. Romulus looked down and saw a black and white cat suddenly standing next to Sirius. It looked at both of them again and let out another meow, definitely asking for some kind of attention. 

Romulus could only do so much as blink, when he suddenly found himself being pushed aside and Teddy took his place. 

“Kitty!” Teddy cried out, his expression bright. The cat didn’t even hesitate and scattered, rushing down the hall. 

“You’ve got to be more quiet with Padfoot, Teddy,” Sirius said softly, completely unphased by the sudden change. He moved to stand up straight and walked up to Teddy, reaching out to gently smooth some hair out of his face. “He gets scared otherwise.”

“Ohh…” Teddy replied with a small nod. He looked up when Sirius touched him, immediately distracted again and feeling a small grin tug at his lips. 

“You came back!” Teddy said with a grin, looking around the room and then frowning as he realised he wasn’t where he usually slept. He remembered that they had been leaving the institution, but then Romulus had gone up to the front and there hadn’t been much else from that point on. 

“Of course I did buddy, I told you I would,” Sirius replied with a broad smile.

“Where are we?” Teddy then asked after a moment, moving to sit down on the bed, testing the mattress with his hands.

“You’re at my place, you’re going to live with me from now on,” Sirius explained, having followed Teddy over to the bed and crouching down in front of him. “If that is alright with you of course,” he added, smiling. 

Teddy thought about it for a moment, biting his lower lip and looking around with a nervous expression. He liked Sirius, and he guessed that living with him probably wouldn’t be too bad. 

“Okay,” he eventually replied and looked back at Sirius with a tentative smile. 

“Good,” Sirius said, sounding relieved and then holding his hand out to Teddy. “Come on, let’s see if we can find Padfoot somewhere,” he continued, making Teddy grin broadly. He reached out for the outstretched hand and let himself be tugged along. 

It was only later in the evening, when Remus finally managed to show up again. He had been there through the day, occasionally watching from behind and making sure that Teddy wouldn’t do something to hurt himself. He had never managed to completely push himself into present state however until now. Blinking a few times, Remus looked around the living room with a slightly confused expression, finding himself curled up in the corner of a couch, with a blanket wrapped around him. 

“Hey,” Sirius’s soft voice came from beside him, and Remus looked up, smiling weakly as he saw the other man sitting at the other end. 

“Does that mean I can stop watching cartoons now?” he asked, and Remus frowned for a moment in confusion before he looked over at the television. He chuckled softly as he saw a cartoon network on the screen, of a show he had never seen before. 

He turned his gaze back over to Sirius and nodded, before reaching up to rub at his eyes. He could tell that it had been a long day, and he felt a little drained from all of it. Still he really didn’t want to go to sleep yet. He realised that he had missed quite a bit of the day, and even if he had been in the background, he hated it when those days happened. 

“Good, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take of this,” Sirius teased, reaching out for the remote and starting to flick through the channels. “There is still some hot chocolate left, Teddy didn’t drink it all,” he added after a moment of thought, and handed it over to Remus from where it had been standing on the coffee table. 

Taking it into his hands, Remus looked down at it for a moment before taking a tentative sip. He smiled at the taste, licking his lips a little afterwards and then eagerly taking another sip. It wasn’t so hot anymore so that he would burn his tongue. He smiled back over at Sirius, concentrating on his chocolate for a moment as he felt a small thump on the couch next to him. He looked down in surprise as he felt a cat then curl up against him, purring softly. 

Tentatively Remus reached out to let his hand caress over the fur, finding it soft and definitely pleasant to touch. He smiled as the cat made a purring sound in the process, stretching its body out and pressing his head up into Remus’s fingers. 

“It seems Padfoot likes you,” Sirius noted, an amused tone in his smile, which made Remus look over at him with a curious expression. 

“Teddy chased him,” Sirius explained and Remus grinned shaking his head in amusement. He would have to have a talk to him about that. 

He then turned his attention back to the television, letting himself be drawn in by the show that was currently playing. It didn’t take long however before he could feel the exhaustion catch up with him, and he let Sirius show him up to his room. It felt weird to be lying in a new bed, and he lied there for a while wondering just in what direction his life was starting to head, before his eyes eventually fell close on him and he fell asleep. 

The following days seemed to be going pretty well. 

Sirius and he were, after a few bumps at the beginning, getting into a routine, and Remus felt himself relish in the new found freedom that he had suddenly gotten. Even if Sirius was there most of the time, Remus could still move around the house as freely as he wanted. Also Sirius included them in all the daily routines as much as possible and Remus had to smile at the memory, when Romulus had said one morning that he would need to be shaved. Sirius, being straightforward as he was, had simply given Romulus the razor.

“Well you’re not going to off yourself with it are you?” Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow, a grin tugging at the corner of his lips, even if there was the slightest hint of seriousness in his voice. 

“No, of course not,” Romulus replied, looking at the razor as if it was some kind of foreign object.

“Good. Then you can do it yourself,” Sirius replied in a matter of fact tone. “You’re more than capable of doing so. I don’t believe in all the crap that you should not do things for yourself, just because you could, might, whatever harm yourself,” he continued with a roll of his eyes.

“But you do know that if…” Romulus started.

“I know,” Sirius replied seriously, moving to stand up straighter again. “I know what to look out for, now let me show you how this works.”

They had managed to make it work with just a few nicks, and Remus couldn’t help but feel a little proud. Even Teddy seemed to be loving it with Sirius, especially if they went out into the garden. Of course they had had their time outside of the institution, but it had never been anything like this. It had always been heavily supervised to make sure that nothing would happen, and Remus wondered if it was just because they had actually been scared. 

Remus was worried however that it all might go wrong sooner or later. Moony hadn’t made an appearance yet, and while it was nothing unusual for him to be more quiet for longer periods of time, it still left him anxious. Which only led to two different things, nightmares and Moony. Or both like he dreaded.

It was thundering that night when it happened. Teddy had been anxious, and it had taken Remus and Romulus all their control not to let the small boy out and hide somewhere in a dark corner. Sirius had of course tried to keep a calm composure during everything, but even he had seemed to come to his wits end. It had made Remus worry for a moment that the man had realised what he had let himself into, and that maybe he had made the wrong decision. 

So he had been anxious once he had gone to bed that night. Going to bed like that was never a good idea, but this was still all new to them, and they all needed to learn as well. 

It wasn’t really a surprise then when it was Moony who woke up in the middle of the night. 

It felt like waking up from a nightmare. The first thing he found himself doing was scream, it was high pitched and loud, and was sure to wake anyone who was close by. By the time the door to what he presumed was bedroom, opened, he was sitting upright in bed, his breathing heavy and looking around with a panicked expression. 

“Okay.. okay.. I am here, what’s wrong?” Sirius’s panicked voice came through the room, and Moony’s gaze immediately fixed on him. He bared his teeth a little, moving on to his knees so that he could move quickly if he wanted to. 

Sirius just stared back for a moment, slowly coming out of his own sleepy haze and growing more composed. “It’s alright,” he murmured after a while, raising his hands in a non threatening gesture. “Nothing will happen to you here. This is my home, you are staying here with me now.” 

“Why with you?” Moony asked, not relaxing yet. He pulled his gaze away from Sirius, looking around the room instead and taking everything in. It seemed like a comfortable place, and he could tell that Teddy had been out from the pictures already hanging up on the wall. 

“Because there would have been nowhere else for you to go. And…” Sirius seemed to hesitate for a moment and it made Moony frown, letting his defences down for a moment. “And I didn’t want to see you being locked up.” 

Everything grew still for a moment, and Moony’s head only snapped up as another thunder broke the silence. He had no idea of what he was supposed to reply to that. Of course he had gotten to know Sirius over the last couple of weeks, and while the others had seemed to like him, he had stayed hesitant. He remembered what it was like to be hurt, he could remember the pain that had been done to him and how he hadn’t been able to protect himself. Letting someone in seemed impossible. Now Sirius had somehow managed to weasel his way in and he couldn’t really understand why. 

“I won’t do anything for you,” he then said after a while, his voice threatening and baring his teeth again afterwards for a moment. 

“That’s alright, I don’t expect you to do anything,” Sirius replied reassuringly. Not coming closer to Moony, he moved to sit down on the floor instead, leaning back against the cupboard and closing his eyes.

“You going to stay there?” Moony asked after a while, crawling a little forward to the end of the bed. 

“You have a problem with that?” Sirius asked, opening his eyes to look at Moony with a raised eyebrow. 

Moony was about to say something else, but let out a small startled sound instead as something small and black bounded towards the bed. He ended up sitting back on the bed, his eyes wide as the cat insistently butted its head against his leg. Not stopping, even as Moony attempted to give it a small push. 

“Padfoot is harmless,” Sirius said, having started to watch them from where he was sitting. 

Letting out a small huff, Moony tentatively let his hand caress along the back of the cat, enjoying the feeling of the soft fur against his fingers. After a while he reached down to pick up the cat in his arms, a weak smile appearing on his face as it rubbed its face against his jaw. He then looked over to Sirius, expecting him to be angry, but he was still sitting there, calm as ever. 

“You can stop pretending to be the big bad wolf,” Sirius said with a roll of his eyes, his voice sounding playfully amused.

“I could still hurt him,” Moony just replied, his voice deadly serious while his fingers were still caressing slowly through the cat’s hair. 

“I know you can,” Sirius replied, looking back at him with a serious expression. 

“Then don’t hurt him and nothing has to happen,” Moony continued, his threat serious. He had told himself that Remus would never get hurt again, and that he would protect him in his own kind of way. Even if Romulus had never really been very fond of that way, but Moony had told the man more than once already to stuff his opinion somewhere else. 

“Is that why you bit your hand the first time we met? Did you think I was threatening him?” Sirius asked, and Moony couldn’t stop himself from baring his teeth a little. In the process he unintentionally tightened his hold around the cat, frowning as it gave a small sound and he immediately loosened his hold. 

“It was nothing close to what I can do,” Moony answered and his voice was becoming dangerously low. 

“Well then I just have to make sure that you don’t have to find a reason to do so,” Sirius replied in a matter of fact voice and then closed his eyes again, signaling from his end that he was done with the conversation. 

“Hey!” Moony snarled, putting the cat down and moving to get up from the bed. Because he definitely didn’t like being ignored. He walked up to where the other man was sitting and kicked the other man’s foot. When he got no reaction, he did it again and again, until finally Sirius looked up at him with an almost bored expression. 

“Are you done?” Sirius asked slowly, and Moony just stared at him for a moment. If he had gotten close to anyone else like this, the nurses would have usually called security and he would have ended up being tied to a bed.However Sirius didn’t seem to be even considering getting up from the floor right now, let alone move his foot away. 

Letting out a frustrated huff, Moony sat down on the floor, pulling his legs up against his chest and wrapping his arms tightly around his them. It only took a few moments, before Remus lifted his head again, blinking a few times before giving Sirius a tentative smile. 

“Hey,” Sirius replied softly, letting out a small sigh in relief and now shifting to move. “How about we go to my bed and watch a film?” he asked, standing up and holding his hand out to Remus. Remus hesitated for a moment but then nodded. He reached up to cautiously take Sirius’s hand, finding it warm and strong, letting himself be pulled up on his feet and led out of the bedroom. 

// **“Hey! I wasn’t done with him!”**  
**_“Let the two be. You can induce your fear another time.”_**  
**“You’re not funny. How do you know he isn’t going to do anything stupid?”**  
**_“I just know.”_** //

***

Moony came out more often after that. Romulus presumed it was because of his need “to induce fear” as he called it. It ended up in him being more and more frustrated however. Sirius seemed to be taking it with stride, keeping calm whenever he came out and doing his best not to be riled up by him. Remus more and more got the chance to watch these situations, loved them too, because it gave him a better insight of Moony. It made him understand him better, and he was slowly starting to lose his fear of him as well. 

It was nice to see how everyone just seemed to be settling down, and Remus hoped quietly that maybe some day he would have something close to a normal life. He knew logically that he would never be rid of the other 3, and neither did he want to. They were all a part of him, even Moony, and he had grown to accept it too. Even if it had taken him a few years to do so. 

In the meantime Remus had also noticed some changes in himself, changes that he wasn’t too sure about just yet. He had let himself be more open around Sirius, and he caught himself more often looking to the other man for guidance. Also Teddy seemed to love the man to bits, and Remus sometimes found himself coming back again while lying curled up against Sirius’s side, or even on his lap at times. He would blush and slowly pull away, ignoring the feelings that were rushing through him at that moment. 

Romulus had tried to talk to him about it, but Remus had refused. He didn’t think it was right to explore more of those feelings. It just didn’t seem to be right place for it. Just because Teddy got along with Sirius, Moony had turned from self mutilation to baiting Sirius whenever he could, and Romulus spend hours having who knew what conversations with Sirius, didn’t mean Remus could do the same. It wasn’t like Sirius would be interested and he couldn’t imagine the other man being so. 

Eventually one night it had become too much for Remus to deal with. 

Romulus and Sirius had just finished having dinner, talking about something that had been on the news that day when Remus had pushed himself through. He looked at Sirius with a frustrated expression and then stormed out of the kitchen, towards the back door that led out into the garden. 

The night had already fallen by then, and the moon was out, basking everything in a light glow. Letting out another frustrated sound, Remus moved to sit down on the grass, pulling his legs up against his chest and staring up at the sky. He knew that he shouldn’t have gone outside without telling Sirius, but he had just needed to get away. 

He had ended up being so distracted by his own thoughts, that he hadn’t even realised that Sirius had come outside to sit down next to him. 

“You had me worried there for a moment that you were going to run off,” Sirius said with an amused grin. 

Remus turned his head to look at the other man with a raised eyebrow, letting out a small annoyed huff. He then turned his gaze back up to the stars, finding the sight somewhat soothing and calming. When he had been younger, he had spend a lot of hours at night sitting by the window in his room. He had thought that if he would stare at them long enough, they would somehow come down and he would be able to reach out for them. He had always wanted his own star. His own night light to comfort him. 

“Okay, so maybe that was a little over exaggerated,” Sirius replied with a small chuckle. Remus felt a tentative smile tug at his lips at that, shrugging a little and carefully looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. 

Sirius had moved so that he was leaning with his elbows on the grass, his own gaze turned up at the stars. He looked at peace with himself, content, happy, and Remus couldn’t help but feel his face flush again as he felt the feelings rushing through him. 

“Did you know, my parents named me after one of the brightest stars up in the sky?” Sirius asked after a while, turning his head to look at Remus with a soft smile. 

Remus shook his head in reply, and then startled a little as Sirius moved to sit up, only to sit right down beside Remus so that their sides were touching. He then reached out for Remus’s hand, carefully pushing out his forefinger and pointing out to a bright spot in the sky. 

“There, right there,” Sirius said with a broad smile, and Remus felt a small shiver going through his body, as Sirius let his fingers brush over his palm. Remus smiled shyly, slowly pulling his hand back, and while he really wanted to have a look at the star he found his gaze fixed on Sirius. 

“I’ve always thought, that when you look up at the stars, you realize that there is so much more out there than just living your simple daily life,” Sirius murmured, his expression thoughtful.

“Is that why you saved me?” Remus asked, and he didn’t even realise for a moment that he had spoken out loud until Sirius looked over at him in shock. Remus swallowed, scared for a moment that something would happen, but everything stayed quiet in his head. He let out a small shuddering breath, a hoarse chuckle escaping his lips before he looked back at Sirius. 

“You didn’t need any saving, Remus,” Sirius murmured softly, and Remus felt like everything was going in slow motion for a moment. Sirius’s hand was suddenly on his cheek, and there were lips on his own. He let out a small startled whimper, his wide eyes slowly falling close as he let himself gradually relax into the kiss. 

Eventually Sirius pulled away, and Remus had to reach up and touch his lips, just to make sure that this actually had been real. He chuckled, and then felt the blush reappear full force on his cheeks. 

“Was that alright?” Sirius asked, and Remus looked up again, nodding slowly with a shy smile still on his face. Not daring to say anything else, and not really finding the strength too, he moved so that he could lean more against Sirius, resting his head against the other man’s shoulder. He let out a small sigh as he felt Sirius’s arms wrap around him in turn, a kiss being pressed against his head. 

“So… Sirius is part of the canis major constellation,” Sirius started to explain, but Remus wasn’t really listening. He was concentrating on listening to the gentle heartbeat and feeling those strong arms around him. 


End file.
